With a new job, never ending post- divorce issues, my daughter's wedding on the horizon, a few computer classes throughout the week, daily happenings with my family and babysitting my grandbaby girl, there has not been a minute to spare. I am not used to this, this being busy all the time, this notion of walking around in a body but not reflecting on how this being is doing or what it wants or what it dreams of. This feeling of disconnect...
Feeling especially worn out the other night, I literally dropped into bed and heard a small faraway thought, " I miss me." Really truly. I am not making this up. I was startled by this thought, because it was not generated by any conscious thoughts, preceding it. It just sprang up, right there on its own. An oddity for a number of reasons. One, being that I am pretty much usually in control of my thoughts and can lay claim to at least being involved in the process of their origin and two, I have never thought that much of myself or my own company to have ever felt this way, let alone articulate it from the deep tired recesses of my weary, wrinkled brain.
So either I am loosing it, or making progress. I am guessing it is ok to miss your own good company, isn't it? It's all new to me, either way.
Absolutely it is. And not just ok, but essential to one's well-being. The more you rediscover and learn to love yourself, the more peace abides. That's what I'm finding to be true, anyway.
ReplyDeleteI heard a similar voice some years ago when I was going through much the same kind of pressure. It just called my name and it took me a while to realise it was me 'talking'.
ReplyDeleteFind time for yourself. You need and deserve it.
I think that I am living inside your body or your brain. This post could have been written by me, I swear. I was just telling my husband that I feel "rushed". Rushed to wake up every morning; rushed to get dressed and take a bath before the baby arrives; rushed to feed her, get her dressed and then get outside to get a walk in; rushed to get back and put her down for a nap so that I can spend a small bit of time working on something that I like to do (like my blog) and even then...that time spent is "rushed" because there is the constant feeling of "I hope I can finish this before...", You have read my mind (or we are twins separated by birth!)I am so glad that I have found your blog. It brings some semblance of reality to my life and a feeling that I am not alone. Thank you so much. And please pass the wrinkle cream!!!
ReplyDeleteOh Wrinkles, ..... you shall overcome
ReplyDeleteyou shall survive
you shall blossom
and "me" is what spoke to you
she's not gone...she's just on a different path now
and I say woo hoo!
here's a hug
I think of you often too
....yesterday I sat up in bed and cried
hold my hand...we'll get through all this...buddy
Thank you all so much for visiting me today. I really needed it. Your friendship on here means so very much. It empowers when I am weak, it lifts my spirits with a laugh here and there and the commonality that exists, even through very varied experiences, is so very reassuring.
ReplyDeleteAnd Suz, I think about you and your family from afar, and often pray that strength be yours. This life, it isn't always easy but it is so very much, isn't it?
DeleteWrinkles, it is so very much
ReplyDeletethis life...a gift....
even in our moments of sorrow
and pain and... grief
the very thing that enables all this suffering
is what gets us through
irony
I wish you had taken that handle ..so you could toss it in the river.....find a new doorknob someday to wear to a beautiful patina...little grandchildren prints all over it....a way into a wonderful life
keep the faith buddy....and did you get that good bra yet? I knowthat... your mom and grandma parts are praying for me...that you understand...thank you for thinking of me and sending good thoughts and prayers my way...I feel them
so.....tell us about your new job
i dont really know your story other than what i gleaned from the last 2 posts...i will say, there are def moments you will miss yourself...sounds like you are going through the blender...but it sounds like you are taking steps to get beyond it...i wish for you strength through it...and sounds like you have some great encouragers here....smiles
ReplyDelete