Tuesday, March 13, 2012

If Not for You

Today was a day when I was surely in my element. It was a day of popsicles  dripping down bare chubby legs and sticky grape flavored hands in a hug around my neck. It was a day of three generations sharing pizza and topping it off with Shamrock shakes. I haven't been to McDonalds in years. Going through the drive -thru and then sitting three in a row in the back seat, one of us in a car seat, parked by a tree in the lot, making a mess - was just what I needed today. 

The warm weather continued to bring promise and hope and bubble chasing around the courtyard with the grandbaby. It is amazing how much fun 98 cents will buy.

The wee one and I even saw a squirrel dragging a flattened cardboard box that it stole from the recycling dumpster. The squirrel tried to tug it up a tree. It was a losing battle so it tore pieces off and took these up to what I am guessing was a nest. I felt a kinship with this creature, tending to something so important. Looking after the kiddles is what I do best.  If this is what I was put here for, then so be it. It was my grandest effort, this parenting, this grandparenting. It has brought me joy, immeasurable and I have never accomplished anything finer. 

Uncertainty still sits on my shoulders, but who can worry about financial issues and pending problems when there is a sandy-haired baby running after bubbles, giggling with each pop? I'll carry with me forever the look she gave me as she turned for more. It was adoration, without contemplation, it was joy at its purest and I was the most clever person in the world. And all I had to do was float bubbles in the air for her; only for her. 


  1. I've never 'done' kids. I don't understand them, don't enjoy their company. But I get how much other people love them.

    I'm glad you get so much enjoyment from them and you have the opportunity to indulge it.

  2. This post makes me think about how much I want to feel that love every day. How the break-up of my marriage made me love my children even more. How I took some things for granted in the past, and now, almost five years out, the new normal feels pretty good, feels almost un-troubled, and I wonder if I am forgetting to remember sometimes how love is at the center, love is what we need to keep on breathing.

    1. I was sitting at a table of paperwork, and I know you know the kind of which I speak, trying to figure out a way to get out of the manipulation, lies, gross unfairness - when I took a break and came on here to check on some friends. And there was your comment, which helped me find my resolve, my faith in myself and in what is important. Thanks for taking the time to share, and encourage.